Fathers Day

this year for fathers day, it was a day of ups and downs...

the boys and i (meaning i) made jack breakfast in bed, gave him some new shirts and let the man sleep in. what is better than that?!

 

i talked to my dad that morning and he told me he and my mom were going to visit their dads at the mausoleum. I haven't been out there in years, so I really wanted to go with them. jack ended up taking the boys to lunch so that i could do this with them.

 

I walked in before my parents got there and was immediately overwhelmed with sadness. I was alone. it was quiet. I felt everyone's grief of losing these people whose names I was reading. I know that sounds weird to say, but a heaviness came over me and a knot developed in my throat.

 

I walked around and saw teenagers, elderly people, babies and I just got sad.

 

my parents got there (whew) and we went to see their parents

this was my "pap"

 this was my "pop pop"

 

this was hard for me. watching them touch their resting places was sad and I lost it.

losing a parent has to be so incredibly hard. no matter what age you are, your parents are always your parents. I still ask for advice and run things by them. I stop by at least twice a week - I am so glad we live so close to each other. I know how lucky that is and I am thankful.

we walked outside and sat on a bench and talked about my grandparents and life for them growing up. I just couldn't stop crying.

I thought a lot about blanche....

blanche is my dad's mom. she died when she was 33. my dad and his brother were in the car. we don't know if it was her heart or an aneurysm. they were 2 and 5.

 when I turned 34 this year, I breathed a sigh of relief and I swear, not a month goes by when I don't think of her. I will look at my 2 boys and think about how my dad grew up without his mother and not even knowing her and how to this day, there is a sadness in him about it. I know one day he can't wait to give her a hug and talk to his mom. she was 33. 33! I don't know how pap took care of them....he ended up marrying 3 more times but I know deep down, blanche was and is his true love. I have read his letters to her from the war and they are so special.

I went to 2 funerals this year for friends who have lost their fathers. I have three very best friends who have lost their fathers a few years ago. my heart hurt all day for them....parents gone too soon.

i dont' think i will be going back to the mausoleum for a few years....it was too painful. i carry my family in my heart and know that they are with me, guiding me and watching my children. i know there is a plan for all of us, but the pain and loss is hard.

i cried all the way home and even more when Lawton came running to me. i didn't want to let him go!

 

this fathers day was a good one in the end. i spent time with loved ones, my dad and i went to lunch Friday before and had a great time. he is one of a kind....he is one of my very best friends and an all around amazing, special man. no one couldn't ever say a bad word about skoochie hawthorne. (his mom gave him that nickname when he was a baby because he scooched up in a ball in his crib). he is my dad. i am proud to say that i am his daughter ;)

and i can't forget about this hunka burning love!

 

we went to the pool later in the afternoon and had a wonderful time. jack is a great father and loves our boys with all his heart. Lawton and Wyatt are his best friends. he looooooves having boys and they loooooove their daddy.

they will look to him as to guide them into what kind of a man to be and what kind of a father to be. he has a huge job and i know he can do it beautifully. i am proud to be the mother of his children and i am proud to say he is all mine ;)