welcome to holland

a friend of ours passed this on to me and i told her that i wanted to pass it along on my blog because i loved it.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

my dream for an easy birth and breastfeeding are not longer. WHO CARES. it will be wyatt's birth story, not lawton's.

my dream for an easy first year are no longer. SO WHAT. we will get through it and it will make all of us stronger.

my dream for my children to never have surgery and have a medical team surrounding them is no longer. I WILL HAVE TO GET USED TO THAT ONE. but he will be in good hands.

i am really starting to get excited about my Holland. it will be a totally different trip from Lawton.

i will never compare these brothers and that gives me some relief. they will go at their own pace in life.

i truly believe that wyatt is going to surprise me in more ways than i can dream of and i am so excited to be his mother and watch him grow into a healthy young man.

thank you merrit for passing this along to me...

thankful

when i was young, i had a few close girlfriends, but not many....the ones that i did have are still my very close friends and know everything about me. when i got to college, i found a group of girls who i can honestly say are my sisters. they know me inside and out, back and forth, up and down, you name it. when i moved to new york, i made some amazing girlfriends from all walks of life, and conicidently all through work. when i moved home to charlotte, i was scared. scared of seeing people that i knew back in the day, scared of not finding our "niche". well damn, such is life, i shouldn't have been the least bit scared.

we have made the most wonderful friends moving back home after leaving 10 years ago. through lawton, through friends of friends, through the Y, reconnecting with people that i grew up with, meeting so so many new friends. friends that bring me dinner when lawton is sick, friends that text and call constantly, friends that go out of their way to bring me candy (my fav!)when i am not feeling well. friends that offer advise, that offer to take lawton, their ear, their shoulder, even the shirt off their back.

we are blessed.

thank you ALL, you know who you are - for getting me through this week. thank you for taking the time to write me after reading my blog, for talking to others and just hearing about what is going on in our life right now and reaching out. i know you are all busy and have other things going on in your own lives, so thank you from the bottom of my heart. thank you for hooking me up with numbers of your friends that have gone through something similar with their child. i will call each and every one of them. thank you for telling me that i am strong when i feel at my weakest. thank you for reiterating that it will be okay. i have YOU.

i promise to write each and every one of you back. i promise to call you back as well.

i am getting there. jack and i saw some friends last night and i held it together. that is not to say that i didn't that morning when i saw another friend that God put me in front of at that very second for a reason. He is really working in funny ways for me lately ;)

but you know what? Wyatt is going to be FINE!!!! I am in good hands and so is he.

thank you for loving our family. i will never, ever forget you reaching your arms out to us. never.

i have some pictures from last weekend that i haven't posted yet. last sunday we celebrated my dad's birthday....it was such a great time and i loved having them over to cook out at our house for once. AND, i made my first cake!

L loves his uncle Trent
getting ready to make a wish with Pap!

seriously, i was so proud of my cake. i sent pictures of the process to my mom. that is how badass i thought it was....

UNTIL

we cut the cake and i totally blanked on the most important part:

the middle layer of icing.

CAKE FAIL. i aint no betty crocker.

3 days

today will be day 3 of a life change. i am getting stronger and starting to talk to friends, cry with them, and listen to their encouraging words. i have always known that i am lucky. BUT, i am overwhelmed with the love, the emails, the constant calls, the texts, the information that people give us to want to help. that is the main reason i have been crying this week. i am truly touched and so grateful for my family and friends.

when i was going through "something" about a year ago, which i can't even remember now because it was probably so slight, my mom gave me a book called "Jesus Calling". i have recommended it to so many people because it really speaks to me.

this morning when i woke up, this was today. i wanted to share and show how it has already made my outlook on today positive one.

I am a God of both intricate detail and overflowing abundance. When you entrust the details of your like to Me, you are surprised by how thoroughly i answer your petitions. I take pleasure n hearing your prayers, so feel free to bring Me all your requests. The more you pray, the more answers you can receive. Best of all, your faith is strengthened as you see how precisely i respond to your specific prayers.

Because I am infinite in all my ways, you need not fear that I will run out of resources. Abundance is at the heart of who I am. Come to me in joyful expectation of receiving all you need-and sometimes much more! I delight in showering blessings on my beloved children. Come to me with open hands and heart and ready to receive all I have for you.

Psalm 36:7-9; Psalm 132-15; John 6:12-13

this blog is going to be a wonderful outlet for me and also so that lawton and wyatt can see what is going on in our life at such a young age that they will not remember. Wyatt is so loved and has so many people praying for him that I know everything will work out as it should. I am confident that he will be as healthy as ever. believe me, that is all i am praying for.

update: yesterday jack and i had the pleasure of talking directly to the founder of Operation Smile. He gave us a great deal of information and is going to take the time to look at our sonogram pictures himself. He is a friend of Jack's uncle and lives in VA. we also talked more with my OB doctor who happens to be a family friend, and he gave us some more information as well since i can hardly remember anything about monday. i have also talked with a friend of many friends of mine that has a son with a cleft lip. she is going to be a lot of help and i appreciate her taking the time to call and talk to me tuesday morning when i was in shambles. she is going to give me a few numbers of women who have kids with lip and pallet, etc because we aren't sure what we are dealing with yet.

knowledge is power right?

game changer.

the news below is slowly starting to sink in. i wanted to share with others, so that when you see me, you will know. YES, i am still very excited about my baby. YES, i am scared to death. YES, there are more questions to be answered and YES, i WILL be strong. i am this boy's mother. i am his protector. i will love every square inch of him.

we will get through this.

dear friends and family,

as you all know, lawton is going to be a big brother in august and we couldn't be more excited. we had our 18 week ultra sound this morning and got some news that our sweet baby has a cleft pallet. as you can understand, this was very shocking and sent us into a whirlwind of emotions.

we were sent to a fetal specialist this afternoon that did confirm a unilateral cleft in the left part of the lip. i will go back in 4 weeks for a follow up, but we were in the scanning room for about 2 hours today measuring everything to see if there were any other abnormalities. the heart looks great, as did the brain, blood flow, etc, etc. i am 18 weeks and 4 days and baby is measuring 19 and 1. so, that is the good news. the bad news is, that we will not know the extent until birth. the doctors did tell us that the cosmetic surgeries that they are doing on children these days are incredible and we were given a few names and also a number to a woman whose son has the same thing. she will be a great person for me to connect with and see before and after pictures of her son. the surgeries will most likely take place at 3 months old and beyond, so that the child will have gained some weight. there will be obstacles, like not being able to breastfeed (which has sent me into a whole other range of emotions), different nipples for bottles, eating habits (i have been so worried about lawton choking, so this is going to be much harder), and possibly multiple surgeries. the good news: by the time the child is 2-4, they will only have a minimal scar and some you can't even tell - but again, we won't know the extent until birth.

as you all know, i wear my heart on my sleeve and can't hide my feelings very well. i am right now grieving for the "fantasy" birth and i was picturing and dreaming about. this will not be. but this is OUR STORY now. the genetic counselor said that the first year was going to be very tough. i am asking for your prayers, for this to be minimal on our sweet baby and that they are not in any pain what so ever. i just feel so bad for the upcoming surgeries, etc.

i am very THANKFUL for my husband (my rock), my wonderful son lawton, my family and you all who will be by my side. initially, we were not going to find out the sex, but given this news, i had to know, so that we could be prepared. william "wyatt" hall will be HIS name and i thanked GOD above that lawton was going to be a big brother to a little boy. wyatt with a small scar?? no biggie ;-)

so, please understand that if i am not in touch or don't return phone calls or texts for a while, i am just trying to figure all this out. we were given so much information today that has changed our life. things WILL be okay. our child WILL be just fine. our child is HEALTHY. i am IN LOVE with him already. nothing can change that. from day one of this pregnancy i have been worried and now i know why. this little boy and i are connected in ways already that i can't explain.

love you all, brooke

loving the weather this week!

the weather has been unbelievable this week...HOT and sunny and we love it! this means staying up a bit later, eating outside, baseball games, walks, shorts and popsicles! poor lawton only has one pair of shorts that fit....hurry up old navy, we are desperate for you to show up! and let's not even talk about my white legs and lack of clothes.

anyway,

this thursday we went over to the barksdales for dinner and had a great time. i had my first steak in maybe a year...or two and mac, it was delicious!

these two have a great time together and BG is so patient with lawton and just an all around sweet sweet girl. i have loved watching them together for the past 2 years!

they sang "jesus loves me" in the bath and it was the cutest thing. i didn't even know lawton knew that song! BG was sounded like she was auditioning for american idol, because this girl knows her songs and has the sweetest voice...
BG and lawton were troopers and stayed up WAY past their bedtimes on a school night so that mommies and daddies could chat longer. so proud of ZERO meltdowns!

friday, cousin riley had a game at my old high school (that was almost 14 years ago...what?!?!) , myers park. we LOVE going to watch her play and lawton is in heaven around his chay chay, uncle mark, and of course, baseballs.

cheering for MP and STATE that had a big win that day!

it was hooootttt.

go riley go!!!

it is so hard to put lawton to bed at 7 with the weather and sun still out.....oh schedules...they have to be broken sometimes....right??

half marathon and best friends

this past weekend jack and our friends mac and libby barksdale and kimberly lucier ran the corporate cup half marathon. jack has run one marathon way back when and this was libby and kimberly's first. they all trained and did an amazing job!! i was literally so proud of all of them, i couldn't stop talking about it all day!

the race started at 8, and jack told me that he would be running by my parents street at around 9:30. so, we all got there at 8:55 to watch the runners go by and cheer them on!

sus and pap and lawton
enter best friend. when you ask lawton who his best friend is, it is his pap. he loves this man with all his heart and soul. every time he has something he wants to show someone, "show pap!", or call, "call pap!" or "let's go to pap's house!"....this relationship is so special and just fills my heart because my dad and i are so close and i am so thankful that he can spend time with lawton. i had my own "pap" growing up, so seeing them is so cool.
here they are playing guns ;-)

got em!! typical boys!

okay, so heeere comes mac at about 9:05--an UNBELIEVABLE PACE

this is him saying "how much farther ahead is jack?" oh shit. did we miss him? no way.

oh no. really? there is no way i could miss him. he told me 9:30. was he really running that fast?? oh lord!! is he injured?

then comes libby, AMAZING!! she screamed my name and lawton and i held up the poster we made for her and kimberly, SO fun seeing your friends accomplish such an amazing feat!

next came kimberly not far behind libby!

yep. we missed him. wife FAIL. i took this picture as we were walking back to turn the corner on my parents street. my dad was holding lawton and decided to take him to talk to the police officer and then....

here comes daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i scrambled to find my camera, the poster and do our much practiced chant "go daddy go!!". he came by at 9:35. when am i going to learn to trust my husband?? he did a 9 minute pace and ran with some clients...whew!!! we saw him!! thank god because that would NOT have been good

bye daddy!!!!!!!!

after the race we went to TOAST (which if you live in charlotte, is AMAZING) and toasted to daddy on his first half marathon. congrats honey, i am so proud of you!!

he has now signed up for one in april. this time, i will trust him ;-)

oh my goodness

well....you know how i was ready for march to come? well, his first week hasn't been the best.

worked all weekend while my boys were away in greensboro and took jack's car.

got to where i needed to be, FLAT TIRE.

oh my goodness

pulled into the dentist yesterday morning and scraaaaape! put a nice long scratch in a woman's car and a nice ole bruise in mine. thank goodness she saw me taking pics of her car and writing her a note...AS SHE WAS IN THE DENTIST'S CHAIR and came and met me.
oh my goodness.

my "crown" turned into a root canal. i HATE the dentist. hate is a strong word and i don't use it often because i think it is a nasty word but i am am fully aware that i hate the dentist and don't feel bad about it.

oh my goodness.

after a fun filled day of that, we had lawton's 2 year well checkup. he is developing perfectly and the dr was very impressed with how much and how well he talks. we are no longer in the baby charts anymore, so here are the stats:

90% height.....woo hoo! tall boy for his age!

over the charts for head size.....uh, smart boy? ;-)

90% weight.....umm, too big.

i was told i needed to cut out snacks (gummi's) and his everyday treat of chocolate milk after school....

oh my goodness.

he is NOT going to be happy.

AND to top it all off......

last night in the bath i discovered he has pink eye!

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH. MY. GOODNESS.