the news below is slowly starting to sink in. i wanted to share with others, so that when you see me, you will know. YES, i am still very excited about my baby. YES, i am scared to death. YES, there are more questions to be answered and YES, i WILL be strong. i am this boy's mother. i am his protector. i will love every square inch of him.
we will get through this.
dear friends and family,
as you all know, lawton is going to be a big brother in august and we couldn't be more excited. we had our 18 week ultra sound this morning and got some news that our sweet baby has a cleft pallet. as you can understand, this was very shocking and sent us into a whirlwind of emotions.
we were sent to a fetal specialist this afternoon that did confirm a unilateral cleft in the left part of the lip. i will go back in 4 weeks for a follow up, but we were in the scanning room for about 2 hours today measuring everything to see if there were any other abnormalities. the heart looks great, as did the brain, blood flow, etc, etc. i am 18 weeks and 4 days and baby is measuring 19 and 1. so, that is the good news. the bad news is, that we will not know the extent until birth. the doctors did tell us that the cosmetic surgeries that they are doing on children these days are incredible and we were given a few names and also a number to a woman whose son has the same thing. she will be a great person for me to connect with and see before and after pictures of her son. the surgeries will most likely take place at 3 months old and beyond, so that the child will have gained some weight. there will be obstacles, like not being able to breastfeed (which has sent me into a whole other range of emotions), different nipples for bottles, eating habits (i have been so worried about lawton choking, so this is going to be much harder), and possibly multiple surgeries. the good news: by the time the child is 2-4, they will only have a minimal scar and some you can't even tell - but again, we won't know the extent until birth.
as you all know, i wear my heart on my sleeve and can't hide my feelings very well. i am right now grieving for the "fantasy" birth and i was picturing and dreaming about. this will not be. but this is OUR STORY now. the genetic counselor said that the first year was going to be very tough. i am asking for your prayers, for this to be minimal on our sweet baby and that they are not in any pain what so ever. i just feel so bad for the upcoming surgeries, etc.
i am very THANKFUL for my husband (my rock), my wonderful son lawton, my family and you all who will be by my side. initially, we were not going to find out the sex, but given this news, i had to know, so that we could be prepared. william "wyatt" hall will be HIS name and i thanked GOD above that lawton was going to be a big brother to a little boy. wyatt with a small scar?? no biggie ;-)
so, please understand that if i am not in touch or don't return phone calls or texts for a while, i am just trying to figure all this out. we were given so much information today that has changed our life. things WILL be okay. our child WILL be just fine. our child is HEALTHY. i am IN LOVE with him already. nothing can change that. from day one of this pregnancy i have been worried and now i know why. this little boy and i are connected in ways already that i can't explain.
love you all, brooke
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