year one

a little update on me :

last night i realized that all the time i was pregnant, people said, "this is going to be a hard year" over and over. i always gave myself a year and knew things would get better.

when wyatt turned a year and i heard the diet and tubes situation, and i broke. we were in a great place and then boom.

i was waiting for a break. my "year" was over and things were going to get easier, and they didn't.

i broke.....i think i cried everyday last week.

i didn't know what to do except i knew i had to see wyatt's pediatrician. 

like i have said before, she has a son with bi-lateral cleft lip and palate and dr. matthews did his surgery.

i needed her advise. 

friday i went in with purple eyes, so thankful for the hugs from the nurses and from her.

she told me that he said the same to her about her son: but she also said, wyatt's scar was going to heal how it was going to heal. i wasn't going to have anything to do with that. the pressure i felt was horrific. the pressure of how is scar would look through what i feed him was hard to handle. i needed her to tell me it was okay to do the best that i could. after that i just felt better. i let some of the weight on my shoulders go. she said no dairy is great for him, no wheat is great for him, but if i need to give him a grilled cheese one day because of a time crunch, IT IS OKAY. 

she was the only one that could tell me this because she has been in my shoes. 

i am so thankful for dr.sullivan!!

saturday, i went to acupuncture because i just still feel so tired and since my drs. report came back fine, i wanted to see what he said.

again, i cried to him. told him my story. how i am spent. how the past 2 weeks have been bad. how i was a robot for a year and now i feel broken. 

once he put me on the table, he felt my wrists and said "wow. you really are tired....you are so low on energy". he put needles in my legs, feet, ears, forehead, belly and wrists and left me with some hot stones. i didn't fall asleep like some people say they do, but i definitely relaxed, felt heavy and couldn't open my eyes if i wanted to. after my 30-40 min or so, he did some assessing and told me:

- i was in very good health and had good genes

-that my father would live at least another 20 years (good!)

-that i was eating right

-that i had adrenal fatigue

-that my energy was much higher then than when we started.

-that the only way to take care of my family was to take care of myself

-a bunch of other stuff i didn't understand.

a few of my very good friends go to this man and swear by him. i liked him right off. i go back this coming Saturday again, so we will see. i will give it 3 times, but i will do anything to feel better. 

today was a better day ;)