reminiscing

 last night jack and i had a great time out to dinner, just the two of us...we have both been so busy, that we really haven't had time to really talk with him traveling, me trying to get a workout in when he gets home, etc. jack doesn't show much emotion, he is my rock when i am emotional, irrational at times, and just plain crazy. his dad was diagnosed at 28 years old with MS, so jack has felt life should be lived at the moment and not to worry about the future. his dad is his hero (and to a lot of us) and lives with the disease with courage and grace. anyway, when we found out about wyatt on march 19th, 2012, jack said "why NOT us?" never why us. i never uttered those words either. he was meant for us. we have learned from him.

but the point is, jack admitted to me that he didn't understand why i was so upset until 2 weeks ago when he truly realized that this surgery was the biggest one for us because his face was going to change forever. this grin that is so gummy and wide won't be the same. i was confused because that is ALL i have been talking about for months. goes to show women and men are so different. i am so glad jack is by my side and will be holding wyatt and myself up that day. he is so positive and i tend to me the more negative, scared one of the relationship...like this below....

  look at my sweet baby! when i gave birth, they immediately took wyatt away from me. i didn't see his face for at least 10 minutes. i kept screaming to jack, what does he look like?!?!? all jack said was brooke, he is beautiful, brooke he is beautiful. my friend, who is a nurse was beside me and helped deliver wyatt and i remember asking her the same thing - do you think he is beautiful?? they placed him in my arms and i was just in shock. i didn't expect his nose to be so flat and his lip to be so puffy. i was just staring at him, not knowing what do do because he couldn't breastfeed. sweet thing tried so hard and i remember feeling so proud of him and thinking he was already a genius because he was trying, trying, trying. i think this reflects his personality now too ;) anyway, as the hours passed, i was still in shock that i had given birth 3.5 weeks early. he was here...what do we do now but learn? the next day, i fell deeply, deeply in love with this child. once the meds wore off for me and i was cognizant, my heart hurt it was so in love. there is something different with wyatt...we are connected in ways i can't explain. my chest aches for him when he is in pain, when he chokes, when he giggles, when he smiles at a stranger, when he crawls early, turned over early, etc because i know what challenges he will face in life and i know he is strong as hell and determined as hell.

 around 2 months, we started getting out of the house. i didn't leave my house for up to 6 weeks because of the massive amount of pumping, the time and concentration i had to use to feed wyatt, and how he choked in his carseat. once we hit 3 months, we were golden. he got used to the bottle, i could actually take my eyes off him when he fed, and we might have even moved him out of our bed at this point. still in the room, but out of the bed ;)the choking in the middle of the night eased, and we got out with both kids in tow.

 and the smiles....the smiles happened. i was so worried because he didn't smile at me for about 8 weeks. i was worried about an extra syndrome since i refused the amnio. he wasn't looking at me when all my other friends babies were. we were and are on a different schedule. but when they came, they never stopped. rarely does he not have a smile on his face and when he doesn't, he is sick or tired. period. i can't get enough of the gumminess and the sparkle in those eyes.

 then january came around and he got sick. the stomach bug, croup, 2 visits to the ER, 2 to the urgent care, and one to overnight at the hospital. 5 ear infections and laryngomalicia. dang son!

 he started LOVING his brother and visa versa. drinking 8 ounces every 3 hours, sleeping 7-7 and taking 2 naps. feeding is easy now. anyone can do it once i teach them

 crawling happened, sitting up happened and you are curious!!! 

we went to the dr this week and i went in walmart (never do that) and this woman was behind us with her 3 kids. the boy (around 9) was staring at wyatt and whispered something to his mom. i said, he was born this way and smiled. he then said," i know, our friend campbell is the same way. i think kids are cuter with this on their lip." wow. what a mature young man! i told him i would never forget what he said and i won't. 

anyway, his mother ran me down in the pkg lot and handed the phone to me. her friend kimberli was on the phone, mother of campbell who is having his second surgery monday with dr matthews! GOD is funny huh? she and i talked and she gave me some great pointers - sew some bigger pj's hands together because he can't touch his face for 6 weeks. also warned me that he will have a stitch in his tongue attached to his face so that he doesn't choke during surgery. i will be told to pull on it for the next 24 hours in case he does choke. she wasn't prepared for that and now i am. 

yesterday we went to HT and a man (in his 60s at least) helped me out to the car. he said"

"what is wrong with his lip??"

me: pissed.."he was born that way" DUH.

him: can't they fix that?

me: pissed " yes, they are repairing it Wednesday, not fixing it"

him: good

me: really pissed "well just so you know, i like him the way he is"

people are idiots. this is the first time an adult has said anything like this to me. mama bear came out!

4 days my love. just so you know, i will LOVE your new smile, just as much as i love this smile. know that wyatt. you and your brother and father are my everything. i want the best for you and this is best for you.

this weekend you are banned to the house. no one can come over, and your brother is too. not taking any chances and you need to get over this cold so that wednesday will happen!