ready

this morning we met with dr. matthews to have a pre-op appointment.

this lungs were clear and he is ready.

PTL because we have been so good about keeping him away from children (other than lawton) for  weeks now.

so, tomorrow it is.

as we were waiting....and we waited for over an hour, i looked around the room.

there was a teenager with a rod attached to his skull and mouth, there was a man without much of a jaw, and there were a few kids with cleft lips that had been repaired and a teenager that had just had one of his last surgeries.

we are these people now. we will be coming back in years to come and i will be the one sharing my story with a mother and her young child waiting to see dr. matthews. wyatt will be the one sharing his stories of surgeries because he will know how they feel at some point.

every child in this room was beautiful to me. there was a little girl who LOVED wyatt. i mean, came and sat right beside me and smiled at him the whole time. didn't say much when i talked to her, but was just enamored with him. it was funny, i would get up to walk around with him and she just sat there and waited for me to sit down. at some point, i was like "where is her mother??". jack would get up and go to the bathroom and she would sit in his seat, right beside me. these children are connected with one another. he looked like her baby pictures. and she loved him.

i began modeling at 14 years old. i had people tell me that my hair was too blonde, too dry, at 14, an agent told me i needed a nose job (didn't get it btw), i was told to workout more, that i didn't have a cut in my leg muscle when i bent it, that my arms were too long, that i couldn't do a swimsuit job because my torso was 59 and it needed to be 60. i told her i would tell my mom she really messed up on that one. so, with all this, i never considered myself to be beautiful. i have a low self esteem and it bothers jack sometimes. i am better because now i am a mom. my life changed when i had lawton and a weight lifted off my shoulders. i was going to be me for him and now for wyatt. weather it be with a little more weight or pimples. these boys and jack love me no matter what.

God knew all along that He was going to give me wyatt. to show me again that beautiful is beautiful and weather your lip didn't close at birth, or you have long arms, or you carry a bit more weight on you, or your jaw isn't there, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. and God wove you EXACTLY how HE wanted you. what a blessing. I so so so so thankful to Him that I was picked to be the mother of this child.

today wyatt is the Smile of the Day on Andi's Smile page on Facebook and as of now (11:50 am) he has 461 likes and 52 comments from people all over the world who thinks he is beautiful, just like i do, just the way he was woven. can you imagine how PROUD i am to be this childs MOTHER??

i will do anything for my children. tomorrow i will rock him and sing Jesus Loves Me over and over to my wyatt. i will hold him when he is in pain and love that I am the one that can do that for him.

wyatt, you are my inspiration.

i love you more than i could ever put into words.

you have so many wonderful, thoughtful people praying for you tomorrow that it makes me cry all the time thinking about it. i am overwhelmed with the love friends and even strangers have shown us and you.

let's do this.

and i promise i will be funny once again on this blog ;) i write from my heart and today, my heart is nervous, full of love from friends, anxious, a bit sad, and excited....again, we are at an unknown. happens a lot with wyatt ;)