a brick on my chest

last week I felt like I was drowning.

i felt like i had a brick on my chest that i couldn't get off.

pressure.

pressure about Wyatt's scar. about being his mom and deciding what is best for him.

jack leaves a lot of things up to me, says he trusts me, he listens and then when the decision is tough, he says i know best and that is hard...because i want someone to tell me what to do.

 

we had Wyatt's allergy appointment last Wednesday with someone dr. Matthews recommended.

jack took wyatt to the last appointment because i had to work, so i didn't know what we were in for. i thought we were going for him to get pricked, find out the answer and go from there.

that wasn't the case.

dr. Matthews is very holistic and has done this "acupressure" thing to me in the office before, but to be honest, i wasn't paying much attention because i thought it was so weird.

now that we have taken away gluten and he has been dairy free and the scar still isn't where is should be, he wanted us to get his allergies tested because there is something in his diet that isn't working well with his body. i was so excited to be honest, i couldn't wait to see what it was so that i could take it away and see what happens.

 

so, we drove to mint hill (25 min away) and wait for 40 minutes....in a small building attached to a house. i had to call and see if i was in the right place...not your typical drs office.

 speaking of waiting, i am so SICK of waiting with a one year old. it is tough to not let him get into things, etc. can i get a amen!

anyway, once we started, i found out that we would be using acupressure to "expire" all the allergens in his body. all through me.

we would need to come back about 19 times, every week mostly and get "rid" of his allergies.

say what??

i laid on a table (wyatt FREAKED. thought she was killing me) and i had to have one hand on him so that we were skin to skin and basically, i was a umbilical cord to him....she applied pressure to my arm and made me resist in different places. and she would say, feel that? you resisted more there!

again, say what????

after an hour i was just so ready to leave.

she said we would still do a blood test in 2-3 months, when his veins were better. that way it would give us a better idea on what he is really allergic to. WELL DUH!

 

i left defeated.

but more aware. more aware and awake to different ways about going to find answers.

dr. Matthews believes in this NAET system, shouldn't i?

but why do i feel like this stuff is crazy?

i cried. i just want what is best for wyatt. but $50 a week and a drive to mint hill is tough. tough on our schedule, tough for Lawton, my other child. tough because i don't believe yet.

she gave me a book to read about it and we were off.

i was up half the night thinking about what i should do? we will make it work if it is what he needs. but my gut felt uneasy. well, again, God knows whats up.

 

the next night i had signed up for a class through the Whole Tulip on how to feed your children healthy choices.

it was a AWESOME discussion. most of their kids are dairy free and some mothers in the room were also a gluten free house. so nice to know others that have ideas to share, etc.

anyway, we were in the office of a woman, Dr. Shelia Kilbane who actually does allergy testing for children and rates them 1-3, 3 being the most allergic. i then knew i was here for a reason. i felt better learning about the different foods i could eliminate in our diet and add from Carolyn and adri and then after the class, i ran up to dr. kilbane and picked her brain. i knew she had to know dr. Matthews, which she did, he actually gave her the push to go into this field of business. i expressed my thoughts on the day before, teared up again and she told me my gut is the best feeling to follow. that i can't do everything for everyone. that i need to just do my best. that not everything is up to US.

she is great friends with my pediatrician as well and i knew i was around all the right people for wyatt. my boys are at different pediatrics....not many people do that, but i am trying my hardest to do the best for both. so, i felt a HUGE relief.

 

Friday morning, we had a post op appointment with dr. Matthews.

see what i am saying about everything lining up?

i was able to express my emotions and thoughts about the 2 days prior and he gave me a hug, and told me that was fine that i wasn't ready for the NAET approach. he has found that some of his patients have tried everything with terrible allergies and this is the only way they rid of them. this was the only way he rid of his. he studied it. took a class on it because he thought it was bogus and now he believes.

so, i will read the book and wait. wait until i am ready. we can always help the scar.

 

now, onto speech. another block on my chest.

the speech therapist he recommended isn't covered by our insurance. so, assessment would be $200 and then $80/week. wowza. not in our budget.

several friends talked to me about going through the state. it's "somewhat" free.

they are coming out dec 2 to see his environment, how he plays, where he eats, sleeps and lives. December 12th, they will come out and do an assessment of him. and we go from there.

so, i am trying that and then will go to the therapist dr Matthews recommended if we are assigned a therapist that i don't think works for wyatt. my only concern to them was that i wanted a therapist that has worked with clefts before. if they couldn't work that out, we needed to move on.

so, we will see.

again, all this pressure was hard. i guess i put it on myself? pressure to get the best therapist. to get rid of the allergies so his scar looks the best it can.

this was a lot of weight to take on.

 

i hope to look back at this post one day and see how far he has come and how far i have come too.

i am always learning with wyatt. it is pretty neat if i do say so.

 

again, it's out of my hands. i am doing the damned best that i can.

i love how last week was lined up. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

i then knew, someone up there has a bigger plan.

 

PS. if you ever want to be humbled, go sit in Dr, Matthews office. take a look around you.

the children in there come from all walks of life. i LOVE that i am a part of them. i love that we are "different" which i take as special. you go around and talk to parents because we wait for a while. what does your kid have? what were they born with? what surgery did they have?

we walked in Friday and were greeted by the cutest African American boy. he had webbed fingers. so, it looked like 3 total. he had a trach. he had protruding eyes on the sides of his face and he was also born with a cleft palate. and he was so DAMN CUTE.

he loved wyatt. he came up and put his head on my lap and just stared at Wyatt. he would motion for wyatt to come follow him with those adorable webbed fingers. he lived with his grandmother. he has brothers and sisters, but they don't live together. she takes care of him. i can imagine the scare the mother felt when she found out. but that is the beauty of children, they are the light in the day, they are the brightness of night.

remember that when you see someone "different"...teach your children to love anyone and anything.

xoxo